Halo's Flame

And still you try to Destroy me...

YOU CANT DESTROY ME

IM TO FUCKEN STRONG!!!!!!

Im back Bitches ;)

I fucken hate life.......

Just bring it?
Bow down
Bow down
One, two, three
Suck it up

It?s not the end of the world
It?s just a phase
They all love to see you fall
Flat on your face
It seems as hard as I try
They underestimated
I don?t belong here anymore
No, it?s not me
No, I can?t breathe
No, I am not afraid
It?s just the end of the day

How can I give in
When I can not let go
Show me the way
How can I get out of this hole?
How can I give in
When I can not let go
Show me the way
How can I get out of this hole?
Just bring it
In this burning house
No one can breathe
Through this wall of lies
No one can see
These words are much more
Myself than I
I don?t belong here anymore
No, it?s not me

How can I get out of this hole?
Bow down?

im really starten to get sick of everything, things have done nother but get worse.. I dont know maybe this is all a bad idea myabe i need to pull a krystina.. This all started way to long ago and it wont END!! AHH I dont know, I need to get away but I dont want to be running away from my problems, The best part is I only have these problems when I talk to friends, because being where I am well I dont have that much social contact, I dont know.. Im gonna go for now and oh ya Kat, Meine Zahl ist neun neun acht null eine drei vier, werde ich mit Ihnen, wenn Sie ich rufen, Sie M?dchen sprechen verpasse..


Wirklich angefangen im, krank von alles zu werden, haben Dinge nother gemacht aber haben schlimmer ist. Ich wei? dont vielleicht dies alle eine schlechte Idee myabe ist, die ich einen krystina ziehen mu?. Dies haben alle Weg zu und es wont ENDE vor langer Zeit angefangen! AHH wei? ich dont, mu? ich weg werden aber ich will dont weg von meinen Problemen, Der beste Teil ich nur diese Probleme laufen ist habe, wenn ich mit Freunden spreche, weil Werden wo ich gut ich dont hat bin, da? viel sozialer Kontakt, ich dont wei?.

ehhhh I got basicly crushed today....... Not good :(

I got a feeling this has something to do with Jen and or Eric, but ya.. I dont have a fucken clue.. Some how I got alot of my friends to stop talken to me, and I know its nothen I did, cuz I havent been around to talk to them.... God... all this shit happening, rawr I dont know, im starten to question my friendshipz with just about everyone right about now.... I think im gonna revert back to being the quiet old me and just not talk to anyone about anything... Right now the only people I belive I can trust are kelli, marissa, and maybe 1 or 2 others, but im even starten to question them... God I dont know, I have this sinking feeling like my life has gone to absolute shit, and you know what it always does right about this time... Last year this time me and linny had are fight and stopped talken for just about good.. This year its Moe.. I dont fucken know anymore... Maybe the option krystinas thinken about is a good one... maybe i will cough cough move to florida, hell ya lets go back into are all wonderful past.. YA.. Damn it i just wanna die now for some reason, AND I DONT LIKE IT... God get me outa this shit hole, I wanna be home.. I want a normal life, I dont wanna know what I know, I dont wanna have scene pensacola, I dont wanna know who I know, I just wanna start over.. But its damn near impossible.. I dont know anymore, Im really starting to question life, and living again, and its odd cuz well I always do right around this time, and I always make it through, it just crushes the hell outa me, and I dont like feeling the way I do... ahhh, I just wanna scream... I really need to go somewhere my heart actually hurts... this is fucken bad, thanx to whom ever is tryen to fuck my life over... THANK YOU.. Rawr I dont know anymore maybe ill have to move to seatle, hehe or texas, some where far far far away, but then im running away, and I dont wanna do that. I dont know I need to make plans for when I get back, I really do, if I make it back... God if I go out feeling like this I wont be comming back... Ehh I dont know, I am sick of rambling im sure none of you care anywayz.... btw aatraa your babys due on my B-Day :)

Ehhhh habe der ich grundlegend zerquetscht heute geworden. ...... Nicht gut

Ich habe ein Gefühl erhalten, das dies etwas hat, mit Jen und oder Eric zu tun, aber ya. Ich hat dont einen fucken Anhaltspunkt. Einige, wie ich alot meiner Freunde aufzuhalten talken zu mir erhalten habe, und ich weiß, daß sein nothen ich machte, ist cuz ich havent gewesen, um mit ihnen zu sprechen. ... Gott... alle diese Scheiße geschehend, roher ich dont weiß, angefangen im, meinen friendshipz mit nur um jeden gerade um jetzt zu bezweifeln. ... Ich denke im gonna zurück zurückkehrt, das ruhige alt mich und zu werden, nur nicht sprechen mit irgendjemandem um irgendetwas.. Jetzt gleich kann die einzigen Leute ich belive ich kelli, marissa, und vielleicht 1 oder 2 andere, aber sogar angefangen im vertrauen sind, sie zu bezweifeln.. Gott weiß ich dont, habe ich dieses sinkende Fühlen wie mein Leben zu absoluter Scheiße ist gegangen, und Sie wissen, was es immer gerade um diesmal macht.. Letztes Jahr diesmal haben mich und linny Kampf und aufgehalten talken für nur um gut gehabt sind. In diesem Jahr sein Moe. Ich weiß dont fucken mehr.. Vielleicht ist die Option krystinas thinken um ein Gut... vielleicht ich werde husten Husten Bewegung nach Florida, Hölle ya läßt geht hinter in sind alle wunderbare Vergangenheit. YA. Verdammen Sie es ich nur wanna stirbt jetzt aus einigem Grund, UND ich DONT WIE ES.. Gott erhält mich outa dieses Scheiße Loch, ist ich wanna Heim. Ich weiß ein normales Leben, ich dont wanna was ich will weiß, weiß ich dont wanna Szene pensacola, ich dont wanna hat, wen ich, ich nur wanna Anfang über weiß. Aber seines verdammt nah unmöglich. Ich weiß dont mehr, Im wirklich Anfangen, Leben, und Lebensunterhalt wieder zu bezweifeln, und sein ungewöhnlich cuz mache gut ich immer gerade um diesmal, und ich mache es durch, es nur die Hölle outa mich immer zerquetscht, und ich mache dont wie Fühlen ich den Wegs... ahhh, ich nur wanna Schrei.. Ich muß wirklich irgendwo meine Herz tatsächlich Verletzung gehen... dies ist fucken schlecht, thanx, zu dem je zu fuck meinem Leben über versucht ist.. VIELEN DANK. Roher weiß ich dont vielleicht krank zu seatle, hehe oder Texas, einige wo weit weit entfernt mehr muß bewegen, aber dann im Laufen weg, und ich macht dont wanna das. Ich weiß dont, daß ich muß machen Pläne für wenn ich hinter wird, mache ich wirklich, wenn ich es hinter mache.. Gott, wenn ich aus Fühlen wie dieses ich wont gehe, ist hinter comming.. Ehh weiß ich dont, bin ich krank von rambling im sicher keiner von Ihnen sich anywayz sorgt.

Well goodnight....... Badnight..... Then great night.....

Goodnight art 1: I worked, and nothen went wrong :)

Badnight: Aimee = Bitch, refer to last 2 entrys

Goodnight revised: At 11:30 Ryan shows up, we start by driven around doing nothen, then comming home and playen LAN line games with each other (BlackHawk Down). Then by this time its 4am, we go out to dennys and eat.. we get out of there around 5:15 and go to Deluca's house, in the falls... We sit outside her house untill 7:15 and well now Im here.... See fun hahahahahaha

Gut heute wird mein letzter Tag um diese Teile sein. .... Im verpaßt gonna jeden und gut ya.. Im gehend über zu Rammstien Luftwaffe Basis. Dann weiß ab nach Liberia, ich dont, hasse ich verlassenen krystina wie dieses aber hey, ich weiß dont. ... Ich habe dies auf deutsch zur Tatsache alot meiner Freunde gemacht macht anders als sie spricht Deutsch gut. Ich muß zur Arbeit schnell, Krank mit Ihnen alle später gehen sprechen

Why do I surround my self with people with problems...... This ill never know.. I talked to probably one of my oldest friends from the area, whom I have been through a lot with and doubt if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't be here.. This individual has been through 90% of everything I have... and is still here, why do I have a problem.. I don't know. tonight this individual comes on then starts the whole I luv u thing, in which I know in return is what this individual says to me before im visiting this individual in the hospital... I don't know. im gonna go out and blow off some steam.. ill add more to this but in a friends only entry.. wanna see it ask..(if ur not on LJ)

Neh... Its all starten to sink in...... Rawr Im seeing Pensacola all over again and its scaring the living shit out of me... I dont know im gonna go for a run to blow off steam and the going to bed before I do something stupid... I go adios..

Well I realize its been a while since my last entry so ya... SO well here it goes...

July 3rd: Worked damn near all day and the ended up going out with ryan till about 5am... Then we had the incident with the DUCK!!!! OMG it was so funny.. AFLACK.... If you wanna know details just ask me..

July 4th.. Worked a double shift got out at 9pm Came home, called my blacklight.. Decided at 10-10 I was gonna go watch fireworks, grabbed the rents and went down to the river and sat there for about a half an hour watchen em listening to some Hendrix, PinkFloyd, ACDC, Def Leopard and Creedence Clearwater which I have to add is AMAZING music for fireworks. After that I took them out for icecream and then went back home and ran up to my sanatarium untill ryan decided to show up and we decided to go a make a suprise visit to one try_me_i_dare_u and of course this was at about 1:30am.. and she was hehe busy in her room... Tehehehe im gonna get beat for that.. Anywayz we eneded up driven around town all damn night doing nothen, so we went to ryan and started playen some drinking games... We were all good lil people, hey it was 3am so it was officialy her birthday :) then we made plans for later that day to go to Canada and get are drink on..

July 5th.. Well I worked all day saterday.. Saterday night we were supposed to go out and something happened with one of my friends whom was already in the hospital so I ended up ditchen brig and ryan :( to go see her.. Ehh she didnt make it through the night :(

July 6th.. didnt really do anything. Spent most of the day tryen to stay happy and worken on hiding everything to everyone, and then getten bitched at by one of my friends cuz I never called her back when I left for the hospital.. Then I waited and got all ready to go out with brig and ryan, borrowed money cuz I dont get paid till late this week and well no one could find brigid so I basicly blew the rest of the night off, and started OperationFlashpoint back up.. Me, Grimm, Rochester, and Kanouff kicked some major ass :) . . Yup that was my weekend.. gotz a funeral tomorrow so I wont be around in the morning and chances are if I show up tomarrow afternoon I wont be happy, not only that brigid is leaven me to move to Seatle... RAWR hehe.. im happy tho, cuz she will be happy... oh well Ill talk to you all later

Step 1. Go to the Google.com search page.

Step 2. Type into the search box: "Weapons of Mass Destruction"

Step 3. Click on the 'I'm Feeling Lucky' button.

Step 4. Read the instructions...

taken from y2katie:)

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Out of my mind,
gun up to the mouth
No pretension, execution, live and learn , rape and turn
Fret not family,
nor pre-judged army
This is for me,
and me only, cowards only
Try it

Don't you try to die, like me
It's livid and it's lies and makes graves
Graves descending down

It's not worth the time to try, to replenish a rotting life
I'll end the problem, facing nothing, fuck you off, fuck you all
Tortured history, addict of misery, this exposes me
for weakness is a magnet - watch me do it

Hmm lets see Ill start with the weekend...

Saterday: I worked from 6am - 6pm.... made plans with a couple of my friends to go see Klear at the tralf.. Then got a phone call from one of my other friends whom said she wanted to do something so I called my boiz told em, dropped the tix to em.. and went home to wait for her... an hour goes by still no girly, so I get bored and call her by now its 8:45.. then i find out she decided to ditch me and go to the drive in with her better friends.... Neh oh-well getten ditched kicks ass... not really but im starten to get use to it..

Sunday: Worked 6am-7pm, then the girl called again... After brief thinking on other things I could do when not if I got ditched again, I told her sure.. But then realized I have no trust in her... But when she showed up.. After A brief period of time.. I realized how much I trust her, and what the max and min of what I can tell her are... Its a sad thing I still trust her more than I trust my bestfriends and or own family... I dont think anyone will ever have the trust I have in kelli.. Kelli is my apsolute <3 I have so much trust in her its not even cool because if something happens inwhich probly wont, im gonna be 100% crushed in which wont be fun...... Ya well im realllllly tired.. so now im gonna go do something I promise one more entry today tho, even know it maybe a friends only entry so ya blah......



I love u blacklight........

**OPINIONS**
1.) Am I cute?:
2.) Am I hot?:
3.) Am I sweet?:
4.) Am I crazy?:
5.) Am I loveable?:
6.) Am I funny?:
7.) Am I annoying?:
8.) Am I psycho?:
9.) Am I daring?:
10.) Am I a good person?:
11.) Am I good to my friends?:

**WOULD YOU**
12.) Hug me?:
13.) Miss me if I was gone?:
14.) Listen to my problems?:
15.) Hug me if i cried?:
16.) Be a good friend?:

**WOULD YOU**
17.) Ever go out with me?:
18.) If you already have would u do it again?:
19.) Kiss me ((Really))?:
20.) Marry me if u could?:


**HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW ME?**
21.) When's my birthday?:
22.) How nice am I?:
23.) What do I hate?:
24.) Do i have any siblings ~> names?? :
25.) Who is my most current ex?:
26.) Who is my best friend?:
27.) Who am i crushing on/dating?:
28.) Favorite color?:
29.) Favorite sport?:
30.) Favorite TV show?:
31.) Favorite song/songs?:
32.) Favorite music group?:

**IF YOU COULD**
33.) Give me a new name, what would it be and why?:
34.) Hook me up with someone (real), who would it be and why?:
35.) Do one thing with me what would it be and why?:
36.) Drop me one piece of advice, what would it be?:

**JUST A FEW QUESTIONS**
37.) What do you love about me?:
38.) What do you hate about me?(seriously):
39.) What is my best quality?:
40.) If you could change one thing about me what would it be?:
41.) What is your honest opinion of me?:

Ya!!!!

Amazing mother fucken day, 3 good days in a row, oh dear god am I in for it..... But hey ill take all life throws at me.. I worken at Darien 3am-Noon, then came home picked up the house and went to gally with Jen Ryan And Briggy my drunken buddy ;) . . We saw the Hulk... And then walked around the mall a bit untill going to the truck and blasten songs such as "The Mighty Jungle" and "Baby Got Back".. All over the parking lot :) then we all crammed into a truck made to fit 2.. Hehe I had to girls on my lap well one and a half Brigid and jen's leg lol.. Very Very Very interesting(if im spelling stuff wrong or typen bad hey I drank half a bottle of gin and like 5 shots of crown so blah on u..) Well we all got back to my place and Jen and ryan well.. no details cuz I myself dont know.. And me and brigid sat on my deck talken on are cellys drinken.. Then we took briggy home (jen already left) and me and ryan went to Mighty.. Saw some old friends talked then I came home now im here... Hey I gotta leave now time for work, lmao O god im gonna die, Luv ya all ttyl... Brigid Rocks my mother fucken sox.... and Jen and ryan.... U guys also rock just in different ways ;)


Oh ya

I luv ya Kelli hehehe, See u next week.......

Well shit this has to be the biggest change in my life, the day that has always been my worst and a day that I always tryed to well u all know... Well today was probly the day I had the most fun on all week.... Odd? Well the morning started off with me goen to work which was fun well very fun, hehe.. Then I met up with ryan and went out to brigids picked her up went to the mall and well a malls a mall we all know what goes on with guys walken through malls... Eye candy, hehe... And then there was kick ass brigid who is so amazing.. Why cant more girls be like her. lol... Wel I guess im not gonna feel rite until I do it....

RIP 6-19-03 and on..... The pensacola chain....

Mark
Kally
Jill
Tessa
Monica
Kristen <--- :(
Pisa
Nick
Chris
Brit
Miranda
Lil Bro........ I miss u the most :'(
Kate
Bill
Paula
Jessica
Bratty

I miss you guys soooooo much its not cool
Always Remembered until the day I join...
RIP Guys.... The Pen TenSeven
6-19-99 - 11-15-99 chain dates....

Well im off for now ill leave a couple later or in the morning im gonna go catch some sleep cuz I gotta be up at 2am for work.... an hour to get ready and 45 min to an hour drive oh goody everyone have a good night

well I spoke to soon.... More to come....

Hmmm..... I dont know if this is good or bad.... I actually had a good day, i didnt really do anything but it was a good day.. I saw the good old Staff Sgt, we chatedfor about an hour and then decided to meeet up sometime at the end of the week and hit a few bars... That was the highlight of the day do to the fact I watched MTV-Realworld all day. LoL. Im scared to the fact when I have one good day that nothen goes wrong I dont get depressed and well I have a good day, the worst of all follows those days, but could this be the begining of something new? Could I actually start being happy... I think im gonna blame all this happy on my Blacklight if it wasnt for her I dont know what id do... I love u girl.. I really do and yes in that more than friend state :-/ im just hopen I dont get burned play with the hole love thing again.... I know u wouldnt do that to me tho... Ya I go now :) good day = good entry. hehe

Adios